I Live a Life of Oxymorons ...

I'm the shy outgoing type who also happens to be cheerfully pessimistic. I've also been described as an aging yuppie who is awfully nice but clearly misunderstood -- a talkative mime, if you will, who wears loose tights and seems to live in constant chaos.

It's a well-known secret that I occasionally take working vacations, often going nowhere and just acting like a dim wit -- or is that a smart ass? Oh well, same difference.

I love gourmet fast food, especially jumbo shrimp, which is really a new classic. I also enjoy eating kosher ham, and drinking icy hot fresh frozen decaffeinated coffee from a half-empty plastic glass. I like to follow that up with some 12 ounce pound cake, with dry ice and fried ice cream for dessert. And, of course, I insist on having paper tablecloths and plastic silverware. Nothing but wicked good stuff for this idiot savant!.

I also enjoy science fiction, simple calculus, and listening to military music on my noise-cancelling loudspeakers. I like to have some serious fun, as you can see.

If this all sounds strangely familiar to you, and you understand the absurd logic of it all, then, good grief, let me hear from you!